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Good but slightly outdated guide at http://www.sfu.ca/biology/facilities/computer/vnc/vnc_mac.html

On Mac to be the VNC server:

• in System Preferences->Sharing, turn on Remote Login (ssh)
• install Vine VNC Server (OSXvnc) from http://sourceforge.net/projects/osxvnc/
• configure to only run on localhost with "Only allow local connections (require SSH)"
• set a password

  cd /Applications/'Vine Server.app'
  ./storepasswd YOURsecretPassw0rd  .osxvncauth
  

Then on client computer:

• install a VNC client such as http://sourceforge.net/projects/cotvnc/
• forward the VNC port of the server mac through ssh and start Vine, such as

  ssh -L 5902:127.0.0.1:5901 username@server-mac-computerip
  # after login, run:
  /Applications/'Vine Server.app'/osxvnc-server -rfbport 5901 -rfbauth /Applications/'Vine Server.app'/.osxvncauth
  

• open your VNC client connect to localhost (not server-mac-computerip) AND screen 2 (aka port 5902)